The Grandma’s Birthday

Today is my Mother-In-law's Birthday. She turns seventy-seven years young today.

I have told all kinds of stories that are about this one of the two Grandmas. But I probably haven't really given you a taste of how great the Grandma's in our family really are.

Joan is known in our household simply as Grandma or Grandma D when a distinction between the Grandmas is needed. The only living Grampa we have in our family is Joan's husband Glenn. And Glenn is known to my little girls as 'Nonos'. I used to joke that hi sname 'Nonos' came from his ability to say no. But nothing is further from the truth as Glenn is one of the most generous men I know. But he covers his kindness with a very thick crusty mask.

Nonos working life was spent as what I would see to be a project manager of large construction projects – mainly road construction around the world. He was seriously injured when he fell from a cliff in Africa. But work such as that, dealing with tough and rugged people, requires a gruff and rugged leader. And that was – and still is – Nonos.

The Grandma and Nonos participate in the local Legion. For those of you who may not know, in Canada, the Legion is a national association of social and community clubs supporting the Veterans of our Armed Forces. The Grandma and Nonos are very involved with their Legion, as Nonos' recently held the presidency of the local and now stands a past president.

As president, Nonos brought the Legion back from near bankruptcy and certain closure to a profitable and more desirable state for their membership. Now as past-president – Nonos is watching his hard work wash away as the practices of the past drain both the membership and their financial state.

Joan supports her husband's endeavors completely. But the beauty of their relationship stems from the adage that familiarity breeds contempt. I have never met two people who care for each other so much but hide it so well in their day to day battling.

But this the Grandma's birthday. I only tell you about Nonos so that you better understand the this one of the two Grandmas. Both Grandma and Nonos are very social people. Both enjoy a party if you will. And both do their best to bring that party atmosphere with them as they tackle the common challenges of ever day life.

I have not met anyone who dislikes the Grandma. My own Mum – the other Grandma – enjoys Grandma D very much. And when the two are together, well – things just happen.

Today, my family – which currently includes our Irish visitors Ray and Shell – will pack up the car and head over to the Grandma's house for the day. We will sit in the back yard and enjoy the pool and the perfect summer weather. And the girls will be dressed in the summer dresses, and Ray and Shell will enjoy with us this special day with the Grandma.

It will be a day we all remember. A day that my little girls will always remember.

Happy birthday, Grandma D.

Calling In Fatherhood

The train was rocking gently as we roll through the black of an Ontario November night.

The seafood dinner was actually good, and the white whine served mini round glasses had put me in a very relaxed state.

Heading home. Finally.

It had been a very long two weeks. The first of training, the second chock full of tedius interviews with our Toronto office as part of a large scale requirements gathering study.

I didn’t find out about the second week of travel until midway through the first week.

I had kept touch with home frequently with my handy dandy cell phone. And things were not going all that great. And it sounded like things were getting worse.

One of the two Grandmas was staying with Darlene to give her a hand. The Grandma would get the kids ready for school each morning and take them. I think that is the toughest part of my day, waking up and getting the girls to school. So I certainly appreciated the Grandma’s frustration.

“Hello?”, would answer the grandma as I called each evening.

“How is it going Grandma?” I would ask.

“Who is this?” would say the Grandma.

“It’s me, Fred” I would say.

“Oh Fred, what a day ….” The Grandma would start. And I would hear the long list of all the day’s frustrations, why my girls are horrible little monsters, and her apology for having to break such news to me.

Finally Darlene would come on the phone. The frustration clearly in her voice.

“The girls miss you … ”, she would state unnecessarily during the conversation.

“Grandma was crying … ”, was also commonly mentioned.

“Tell them you’re never traveling again …” would be expressed at the end of the conversation.

So I would hang up the phone feeling pretty powerless.

Some people travel much more frequently than I do. I remember my Dad for stretches of time, only being home for the weekend. I don’t know how he did it.

Perhaps this is a cell-phone accessibility problem? In the old days, one would simply make a single call from the phone in their hotel room.

I carved the Halloween pumpkin with the girls last Sunday morning, just before leaving for the second week. Leaving after spending only the Saturday at home.

Alannah and Ashley-Rae drew the face on the front of the pumpkin. Mean eyes with big fanged teeth growling at you. The finished product was declared to be “beautiful” as we packed up our tools.

Then I left by train for a second week away from home.

I thought of that face all week while I was away. “Were they painting a portrait?” I thought. “Of the faces they see on adults?”

I hope not. But maybe?

I have to travel back to Toronto the first week of December.

I have had a week of celebration and good-byes this week. As I transition from a team now departing to a new team just starting a new type of project, I am excited. And I need for everything to go right.

But these phone calls home just don’t help.

Maybe I should just get a Blackberry.

A Tale Of Two Grandmas

My Mum is up from Pensacola visiting for the next few weeks.

We are very glad to have my Mum up for a visit. We are also very glad to have Darlene’s Mum over when she comes to visit as well. Her family lives on the other side of town.

Both Grandmas are fine ladies. Resposible and dependable.

Last week we were very glad to have the both of them visiting at the same time.

You see, Darlene had to go into the hospital in Detroit for a couple of days to have her nerve stimulator adjusted. And she had to stay overnight. The two Grandmas were going to stay to look after things at home.

Both my Mum and Darlene’s Mum enjoy each others company. They spend most of their time together laughing, although we are not always certain at what.

Since Darlene had to be at the hospital for 5:30 am, we did not see the two Grandma’s before leaving that morning.

As I was sitting in the surgery lounge waiting, I received my first phone call from the Grandmas at about 7:30 am.

“How do you work the can opener?” asked the Grandmas.

“What are you opening?”

“We went to make a pot of coffee and saw we had to open another can. This can is huge, how do you open it?”

I spent probably twenty minutes on the phone using my long forgotten customer support skills. “Hold the can in one hand, the bottom lower than the counter top …” I said, explaining how to open the awkwardly large can.

“Whirrrrrrrrr” came the sound crackling through my cell phone.

“Did it work?” I asked.

“No” said the Grandmas. “The can is spinning but not cutting”.

“Okay, try pushing the …..” I continued. Finally there was success. Finally the Grandmas could make coffee.

And I could return to reading my Mark Twain novel on my PDA.

At about 9:15 am, I received another phone call. It was the Grandmas.

“How do you work the TV?” asked the Grandmas.

We have a satellite tuner below the TV. The tuner must be turned on, the TV must be turned on, and the TV must be set to AV mode (not to channel 3 like our old Cable box). To further complicate the matter, the satellite tuner is plugged into a socket that can be turned off by a light switch. This plug was meant for a light, and I had meant to rectify the problem since discovering it the week before. But I hadn’t yet.

“Is light switch turned on?” I began.

“What does that matter?” the Grandmas answered.

“Well you see the tuner is plugged into the plug that the switch…” I began. Forty five minutes later I heard the sound of daytime TV through the crackle on my cell phone.

“It looks like we’re in business” said the Grandmas.

Around 1:30 PM my cell phone went off again. We had just gotten Darlene into her hospital room after the surgery.

“How do you move the driver’s seat up in your car?” asked the Grandmas.

“My car?” I asked. “Uh .. there is a knob on the side. It’s all power driven. Push it forward it moves up. Push it back it moves back” I said, not knowing where to start or where to go with this explanation.

“It’s up all the way but my feet don’t touch the pedals” replied the Grandmas.

“Well, if you can’t reach the pedals, then you can’t drive my car” I replied, and I snapped shut the cell phone.

Darlene asked “What in the world was that all about?”
I explained that the Grandmas wanted to do some shopping and wanted to use my car.

Darlene took my cell phone and tried to call. The phone was busy.
I tried to call. The phone was still busy.

Around 3:00 PM another call came on my cell phone. It was the Grandmas. They had borrowed somebody’s cell phone.

“We locked the keys in the trunk of your car” said the Grandmas.

“I didn’t think you could drive my car? The pedals were too far back?” I asked – stunned at the new development to a problem I thought was solved by the last call.

“We asked a nice man walking down the street at your house to help us” came the reply. “He was so nice .. and boy did he laugh”.

I bet he did.

“So the keys are in the trunk?” I asked knowingly.

“Yes. We are so sorry”. The explanation followed of how the keys fell into a bag of groceries as the bags were set down in the trunk”.

“Okay, accidents happen. Okay.” I replied. “How are you calling me?”

“We borrowed a phone from another nice man” said the Grandmas.

“And did he laugh too?”

“Why yes, he is still laughing” answered the Grandmas.

“Are any of the car doors unlocked?” I asked.

“Why yes, they all are. But the keys are in the trunk”.

“Next to the steering wheel is a button – left side. Push it”, I instructed.

“Ker-Thunk” I heard the trunk open through the cell phone.

“There are the keys” said a Grandma.

Shortly after, I called home to make sure the Grandmas got home alright. The phone was still busy. That’s when I knew it was off the hook somehow. So I explained to Dar that the Grandmas could not be reached because the phone is now off the hook. I had better get home.

So at 4:30 PM I kissed Darlene and left her in the hospital room to rest.

After crossing the border to come back to Windsor, I made my way home.

My car was safe in the driveway. I walked around it to check for dents or broken lights, scratches or flat tires. The car was in fine condition. I sighed a breath of relief.

When I went into the house, the wireless phone was sitting on the counter. The talk light was still on. I pressed the “end” button and held it up.

“The phone has been off the hook all afternoon” I announced to the two Grandmas. They were playing cribbage and laughing.

“Was it?” they giggled. “We have had such a day” and they started to tell me.

“Oh I know all about your day today ladies”. I replied. “I would have thought by having two experienced Mom’s at home that things would have gone smoothly.”

And we had a lovely night after that.