Monday, January 02, 2012

Next On The List

Two weeks of holidays have come to an end.

It’s been a while since I looked so forward to a vacation as I did this one. I commonly refer to this as “limping into the holidays”.

I feel like I just barely made it.

And of course, with all that time off – fourteen days to be precise – my honey-do list for the time off was quite extensive.

And of course, with all that time off – few if any of my honey-do list items were actually accomplished.

I was supposed to give my faithful black lab Suzie a bath. But the poor thing still stinks to high Heaven.

I was supposed to put locking door handles on my lovely wife Darlene’s sewing room – formerly the guest bedroom – as well as locks on our bedroom door.

But both doors still swing open freely.

I tried to explain to my lovely commandant that I tried – but the locking handles didn’t fit once attached to the locking rod that secures the door.

“So you just gave up?” asked Darlene?

“No, I efficiently moved this task to the bottom of the list so I could accommodate other items instead”, I replied as Darlene’s eyes rolled up into the sky.

I was also supposed to make a chalkboard to hang by the dart board downstairs – but alas I could not find the chalkboard paint. I know it’s here someplace.

So to the bottom of the list it went.

I had a flat tire on my old Jeep. About a month ago. We purchased a used tire to ride on until we needed a full set of tires. So I went out one chilly evening to take the old tire off and put the new one on. I wrestled off the first four lug nuts with little effort, but the fifth required a locking key lug nut key – with a supposedly unique pattern used only my Jeep. I dug the lug nut key out of the glove box and placed it snugly on the lug nut and put the tire wrench on to twist it off.

But as I applied the same torque as I did the other lug nuts – the key shattered with a snap – like a cheap plastic toy.

So after many phone calls, and posting pictures on facebook to draw on the wisdoms of our many motor-head friends – the lug nut – now chipped away to only the base so smooth no wrench can grab onto – still sits tight on the flat wheel – the Jeep still hoisted up on the jack in my laneway.

An eyesore.

I didn’t give up on this task so easily – at least not until it became clear I was only making matters worse and not better.

A mechanic I am not.

Of course the patio set on the back deck still sets waiting to be covered. Every time I approached that task it was either raining or snowing or it was two o’clock in the morning.

Now my deck looks like it is teasing me with summer intentions covered under several inches of snow.

Another item left unchecked on my list of honey-please-do.

I did accomplish much though. The laundry is all done, and our holiday decorating tasks achieved.

The girls and I played a lot of pool – and both girls now striking the ball very well and understand the angles needed to sink a shot.

And I did regain my status of Wii Mario Kart driver extraordinaire.

So it’s not like I was sitting around doing nothing.

The real purpose of this vacation was to get some rest and relaxation.

Mission accomplished.

But I did not check even one item off of that honey-do list. Not a single one.

Did I mention the laundry dryer vent needs to be cleaned out? I think that one was the next on the list.

If I could make a new year resolution for 2012, I think it would likely be to not be so proud of my amazing skills of procrastination.

It would be nice to get some of this stuff done.

But when you have spent a lifetime honing such a skill, it becomes a natural part of you. You can’t simply turn it off.

But it sure turns everybody else off.

Especially my lovely wife Darlene.

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