Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Just Another Statistic
Some time ago, I offered my wife Darlene the opportunity to write a series of guest posts – at varying intervals – to show our life together from her perspective.
After reading my post from last weekend – "Realizing I Am Wrong" – Darlene asked if she could respond. The following is Darlene's response – which is not enjoyable for me to read.
And for the record, I agree with every word that she has written.
*** JUST ANOTHER STATISTIC***
Am I glad you see some partial error in your ways?
Do I like the fact that after the past two months you are FINALLY starting to 'get it' ?
Do I know that part of the blame is mine thru the last 10 years of growing apart with being busy with the kids, going thru 4 back surgeries, and the loss of my beloved job and personal and professional identity?
Do we both need therapy together and separately?
Yes, Yes, Yes and YES.
It takes TWO to Tango, my dear. Should 'I" and only "I" been the one you spent your waking moments talking with, spending time with, striving for goals with, living, laughing, loving and raising two kids with?...I think u know the answer. Probably better now than you ever did. Finally, should I also be the
ONLY one you call 'luv' or 'darlin' ?
MOST emphatically...... Y E S.
I thank you for the blog.
You paint a very apologetic picture. But you cut a few corners with half-truths and omissions. And you certainly cannot put a picture in a frame to hang it on a wall without those corners.
You see, my dear readers, part of the BIGGEST problem of this whole thing is two little things called TRUST and HISTORY. And, if you are fool enough to have the first after the second??? well, u know what they say.
Now, 'history' is predominantly a good thing when you are in an ER setting trying to save a patient, or learning about past races and cultures, or even looking at stats for your favorite baseball team. But, it is NOT a good thing when you have been previously caught on the internet and lied to. We both made promises 4 years ago to never let it happen again; lest there be severe consequences.
After all, if a man hasn't got his word, what has he truly got?
Pan to Present Day
Now, I'm not saying that he deliberately went out to make alliances on TWITTER. Well, not at first. Not like that. Or did he? -- You decide my dear readers, when all is said and done. And I do agree with him that a set of circumstances (combined of course with the printed black and white)--unfolded into a deeper, dangerous, emotional internet fascination and/or '''friendship'''. My husband could not see it. STILL is having trouble seeing it. Did I mention that my husband has one of those highly addictive personalities?
Upon looking into, REALLY looking into the 100's of 'TWEETS' between his 'friend' (we will call her "Miss Laurie" for all intents and purposes from here on in) both the public and the non-deleted private tweets and the reason I say this is there are timeline blocks that have been deleted, and also the little comments/replies back to her like, ''stop that'' or the fifty some odd :-) faces standing alone. The comments (TWEETS) about how he would LOVE for her to be his personal assistant, and the one he quoted of himself that he didn't get verbatim "I really can't afford to have pictures of "Miss Lauries" F*** Me Boots in my head while I have 12 screaming girls at a birthday party" L8R. Do we need examples of other such TWEETS of FMP's, especially "Miss Lauries" repetitive pink stilettos worn so that our beloved Tigers could win...and 'Could she please lace them tighter'?, and the bubblewrap plastic, and, I don't even WANT to know about the beetroots. That's all the detail you will get from me here.
And all the while I worked to try and make our house a HOME these past few months for our pending barrage of visitors, my husband was spending every waking moment with his ''friend''/friends online. NOT to better himself as a writer, or to acquire a possy of followers for Headstuffing, or followers on TWITTER, or a wide-known name for himself and ultimately be PAID for what he did but instead became a slave to TWITTER becoming closer all the while to an on-line siren; fracturing my trust and our marriage.
I mean, my husband would wake up, grab a coffee, his laptop, be on from 630-8am (and to be fair he would also look at box scores, his blog traffic first), then at work at lunch via iPhone,on breaks, even TEXTING whilst driving once he TWEETED. Then after work, come home, grab a vodka and lemonade, his laptop and be at it again....till dinner....(sometimes he'd cut the grass or swim with the girls) then after dinner till bedtime always ensuring he gave Miss Laurie 'a proper goodnight" as he once TWEETED
He even forgot to pick up his daughter at a birthday party after work one time as he TWEETED, "I can't wait to get home and read "Miss Laurie's" latest blog."
Fred, you truly, truly don't realize how far gone and fixated on her and TWITTER you truly were. I can only hope with help you will see it.
....and it was more than just a 'few' emails.
How can you say you did NOTHING WRONG?!
Cheating is cheating. Whether you are actually ''doing the nasty'' or not. It is STILL an emotional betrayal.
You became a shell of a husband, father and person. You were just GONE...--far gone. You even admitted it and said as much in one of your recent past blogs. (See Disconnect to Reconnect)
Sugar coat it all you want, but it is not hard to read in between the lines.
And when it all came to a head at your own daughter's birthday party? Well.
You did come to me with your iPhone and shove it in my face to 'prove' you had nothing incriminating on there---2HRS LATER!!!!
--and U were right. There wasn't anything on it but what I have already found (save those timeline deletions)
YES.......you did email "Miss Laurie"--and ask her not to email you at your work email....which, she wouldn't have had if you had not been on a week's vacation, had no iPhone, no computer, no contact with her (see Disconnect to Reconnect blog) for a whole week; but BAM! first thing at 830 am YOU EMAILED HER! using an email I could not have access to. Hmmmmm...What a coincidence.
You are right about another thing darling. You should indeed NOT have to ask my permission as to who your ""FRIENDS"" are at 48 years old......because if this is the example of the type of 'friendships' you want then be my guest.
But you'll do it alone.
And there's another way of looking at it….
There are people out there who get their kicks out of purposely wrecking relationships, marriages, and families. I only hope that "Miss Laurie" isn't one of those. Was she worth it Fred? Really?
And if I should ever meet her I would ask her just that. Did she not realize WHO she would ultimately be hurting? (Maybe she did?!) MY KIDS>
So Thank You So Very Much "Miss Laurie" for all the grief you have caused. And I know that you didn't hang that picture by yourself.
Would I even get an apology? Probably not.......
Because she ALSO probably thinks she did nothing wrong.
In closing, I say this:
If there are any families, spouses,housewreckers,older children or young people just starting out in a relationship, I hope this blog and HEADSTUFFINGS, 'Realizing I am Wrong' can help you. They are from both The husband and wife's point of view.
And I hope the therapist can help us.
You see, I really do love my husband.
And I don't want to be Just Another Statistic.
aka. the Lovely Wife Darlene
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.