In fact, the first half of February is enough to break me.
My lovely wife Darlene's birthday is two days before our wedding anniversary. That means two more cards and two presents right there.
The following week is my eldest daughter Alannah's birthday. There is a party, a cake, and presents from the whole family.
The first half of this retched month ends with Valentine's day.
More cards. More presents – one for all three of the ladies who rule my life in my little household.
I am just a dumb guy.
Before I was married, I never worried about such things as birthdays or anniversaries or Valentine's day.
The good old days.
I'm no Romeo.
I haven't got a single romantic bone left in my poor withered body. And I would like to prosecute the Hallmark executive who came up with this screwy holiday to the fullest extent of my own inconvenience and frustration.
Heart shaped boxes of chocolates.
Lovey – dovey smoochy crap.
Now don't confuse this admission of my own insensitive guilt to mean I don't love my wife and two daughters. They are my life.
Which translates to "they have taken over my life".
And I don't know what I would ever do without them!
Which translates to "I forgot what such freedom is like".
In our early years together, my lovely wife Darlene would always get a card and a bouquet of flowers. Perhaps even a trinket of jewelry left from the stash I bought for her birthday or our anniversary.
And sometimes we would go out again for dinner. Maybe see a movie.
But now days, by the halfway mark of February; I'm just plain worn out.
This year, for our daughter Alannah's birthday, we skipped the big party. We had a cake at the kitchen table and a few presents to open. Then we pulled both the girls out of school and took off for a couple of days of fun at the largest indoor amusement park in Ontario.
This place had a pool with a couple of water slides, a full indoor roller coaster, Ferris wheel, and a lot of other fairground rides. It had a mini golf, a bowling alley, an arcade, and several types of eateries. It had pool tables, bumper cars, ping pong and shuffle board.
It was a kid's paradise.
And Dad's are generally big kids.
But more importantly, my lovely wife Darlene, and my two little girls had a great time. They loved it and they were sad we had to leave. I pretended that I couldn't wait to get out of that dump. Back to my own couch with my flat screen TV so as not to miss a stroke of the Bob Hope Classic at Pebble Beach.
And they believed my act.
So this year, I think I am going to get away with no Valentine's Day cards. No heart shaped box of candy. No roses or flowers or lovey-dovey-smoochy crap.
I think I did it.
And it only cost me five hundred bucks.
Because this Valentine's Day nonsense has to be stopped.
As a married guy with two little girls – Valentine's Day is a killer.